Tag Archives: Love

AWAKENING TO OUR SPIRITUAL HOME

Posted on May 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”  Oliver Wendell Holmes

photo (2) Is home a place or a person for you?  Is it within or without?  Is your spiritual home different from your literal home?  Are you at home with yourself?

What is Home?

I live in the mountains of North Carolina where most people who live here are from someplace else.  Their stories of why they decided to move here are very similar.  They were drawn here.  They visited here and for the first time, they felt they were home.  Very rarely do I hear a story with any rational explanation.  Moving here was motivated by something deeper, something unexplainable and very spiritual. It isn’t just that they feel at home in a place; the home they feel is a community of like-minded people, the spiritual energy of these mountains, and the artistic and diverse people who live here.  It is a place that touches their hearts in many ways.

Home Is Not A Place

In 1999 when I moved to the Land of Enchantment, New Mexico, everything I needed to stay there fell into place.  There were many signs that it was where I belonged, and I was sure that it was my soul’s home.  But just as easily as things fell into place, things fell apart, and the five years I was there were extremely challenging.  On the other hand, I began writing seriously and found Southwest Writers, a wonderfully supportive organization where I met many successful writers.  The more I wrote, the more I felt at home in my own skin.

Make Your Home in Your Mind

Tad Williams has said, “Never make your home in a place.  Make a home for yourself inside your own head.  You’ll find what you need to furnish it—memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things.  That way it will go with you wherever you journey.” photo I spent much of my life looking for the place where I would feel at home.  I always seemed to have different ideas and values than the people around me.  I equated feeling at home to feeling I belonged.  The problem with all that was that I was looking outside for something I could only find within.

Edsel Ford, an Arkansas poet who was a family friend when I was growing up, once wrote:  “Love is to come home dying from the world and find life there.”  I often felt I was dying in New Mexico, but I learned to let go of my attachment to the outer and follow my inner guidance.  I learned to stand more firmly on my own two feet, and all that led me to understand, home was wherever I was and the life and light I sought was within me.

Our True Home Is Our Spiritual Core

What we feel inside at our spiritual core affects everything in our lives.  If we are at home in our own bodies and minds, we will experience peace.  If we love ourselves, we will love others and they will love us.  The physical place where we are won’t matter.  It will be just another experience in our spiritual journey.  We can be in Alaska, Africa, or Spain and feel at home because at the deepest level we are at home with ourselves and that connects us with all humanity on a deeper level.  We are all One.

Love Is the Center of Our Home

The physical place where we are may not give us the life we need, but the friends, the memories, the desires, the energy of love we find with others can make wherever we are home.  Growing up, my family lived in several places, but what made each house home was the presence of my family’s love for me.  Love is the place we feel safe and accepted.  It’s where we can be who we really are.  It’s the spiritual center within us that we allow to open and gather in all that is good and nourishing, and it’s the place where we connect with Spirit and experience the greatest love that is possible.

Even now that my dear poet friend and most of my family have passed on, their love still lives within me.  The love of friends far away and nearby feed the home within me, and I carry them with me wherever I go.

How do you experience home?  Please comment.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                            ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5 Related Links: What Does It Mean to Live Spiritual, Eckhart Tolle On Being Yourself, Accepting and Loving Ourselves in Ten Easy Steps, One Path, Many Mountains

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RELEASING OUR FEAR TO AWAKEN

Posted on April 17, 2013 | 2 Comments

“Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here.”  Marianne Williamson

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How often do you avoid doing something you need to do because of fear?  How often do you feel fearful?  How do you let go of fear in order to move forward?

We Are Divine Beings With Worth

When we awaken in the morning, the rest of our lives are before us, and the decisions we make each day determine the quality of that life and how we will experience it.  We were born in love, a divine being with worth, but often the living of this life takes its toll.  If our childhood was filled with love and we had nurturing parents, we have the best chance to create that kind of adult life for ourselves.  However, if our childhood was filled with conflict or abuse, we had to learn coping mechanisms for survival, and while they may have helped us survive, they may have caused us to shut down parts of ourselves.

Fear Blocks Our Spiritual Awakening

The process of awakening is never ending.  In Oneness, awakening is described as “ascension” but one never arrives at a destination; one always continues growing.  In this earthly life, the one thing that limits our awakening more than any other is psychological fear.  It is the source of all dysfunctional behavior and every fear we experience is either a fear of rejection or a fear of inadequacy.  Our response to the problems that stimulate these fears is blocked by the fear unless we release it.

The fear that causes us to fight or flee when we are physically threatened is a different kind of fear; it is natural fear and one that we want to respect.  It causes the adrenaline to flow when we need the strength to out run a physical threat.  It causes that chill down the back or the intuitive knowing when harm is near, and it directs our mind to avoid the threat.

Thoughts Full of Fear Do Not Support Our Best

Psychological fears are different.  They may prevent us from pursuing the profession that is our passion or cause us to settle for less than what we need in relationships.  We may have internalized negative ideas about ourselves from an unloving childhood or from failures in our lives and feel that we are not worthy of happiness.  How we experience life depends so much on how we think, and if our thoughts are often filled with fear, our thoughts will not support the best in us.

We Must Embrace the Pain Of Growth

Our society has taught us to deal with pain by taking some kind of painkiller:  pills, drugs, sex, food, anything to stop the pain without having to go deeper to look at the emotional source of the distress because going deeper would be painful.  Marianne Williamson says, “It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”

We need to shift our thinking to understand that sometimes pain is good, especially when it raises our consciousness.  Recently, a part of my foot started hurting like the beginning of plantar fasciitis, which I previously had for several years.   It was a signal that my foot wasn’t supported properly.  I visited the podiatrist and discovered that the orthotics I wear in my shoes needed more support in a certain area.  Emotional pain is also a warning—something is wrong and needs to be fixed or the pain will increase.

The method of releasing fear that I teach clears the mind of the block created by fear so that the mind can pull through information that will help us solve the problem that created the fear to begin with.  First, we direct the mind to release the fear and allow it to leave.  With the fear gone, we can access memory, past lives, spiritual, and psychic areas of the mind where there is information that will help us solve the current problem.

Trust That the Mind Free of Fear Will Serve Us

When we ask Source or Spirit for the answer, we have to believe we will receive it.  The problem is that it may not come when we expect it or look like we wanted it to.  Abundance is a good example in my life.  It appears in the form of money gifts, service exchanges, love, friendship, sharing information, free classes on a skill I need to learn, and work for which I’m paid.  The abundance in my life appears in a multitude of forms.

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How does this happen?  Because I believe that I will receive whatever I need when I need it and am ready to receive it.  The best way to attract abundance is to feel abundant and be grateful for every little good thing that happens.  Most of all, I no longer fear not having enough.  Having released that fear provides an unobstructed channel of energy through which good things can come to me.

The Awakening Path Is Endless

Marianne Williamson points out that it takes courage to face the pain of discovery.  We also have to release the fear that going into our muck won’t make things better.  We were created in love and to love we must return.  Love is what we are at our core, but “fear is what we learned here.”  What we have learned, we can unlearn when it does not serve us.  The reality of awakening is that we do outgrow certain ideas or circumstances in our lives.  We have to be willing to move on when the time comes.  The path of ascension is always there.  How quickly we awaken is our choice.

Please share your experience with fear and awakening.

 My next “Release Your Fear” workshop is Saturday, April 27, 10:00 am to 12:00 at Jubilee Community, 46 Wall St., Asheville, NC, $15 at the door.  If you want more information, see this link or email me at lifedancer33@charter.net.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                            ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles:  What is Spiritual Awakening, The Mind-Body Connection: Fear Manifests in Many Diseases , Fear: Your Worst Enemy

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AWAKENING TO RELATIONSHIPS: COMMITMENT, Part 4

Posted on April 10, 2013 | Leave a comment

“‘I will always love you,’ means nothing unless the mind is fearlessly aligned with the heart.  It takes the courage of a warrior to make and to keep a vow of love.”    www.lovedovetarot.com

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Have you ever committed to a love relationship, friendship, or profession?  What is at the core of your choice not to commit to something you actually want?  Do you feel that if you commit to someone you will lose your freedom and you value that above all else?

For the last three weeks, I’ve been writing about what I feel are the most important elements in any relationship: empathy, intimacy, integrity, and commitment.  Today, I’m writing about commitment, and although it’s a major issue in love relationships, I believe it’s also very important in many areas of life.

Developing Any Skill Requires Commitment

In my late teens, I realized I wanted to be a modern dancer and knew that the sporadic classes I’d taken were not enough.  At that point, I had to commit to daily classes to develop my skills, and when I had to miss a class, I worked out by myself.

When I moved to Washington, DC, I had to travel into the city and committed to taking daily classes no matter what.  In fact, I even found a high school teaching job where I didn’t start teaching until 11:00 am so that I could take a class every morning.  It was this commitment that made it possible for me to develop the technique and skill to be good enough to eventually dance with a company.

In cases like this or in developing skills, commitment to training allows us to fulfill our goals and desires.  The problem is that this isn’t always easy, and when things get hard, many people give up so that they never feel a sense of accomplishment.  The discipline feels too confining.  However, if we want to feel good about ourselves, we have to be committed to being the persons we want to be and be willing to search for what we need and practice that skill in our lives.

Spiritual Practices Require Commitment to Learn

I grew up in a family that was very emotionally reactive, and so I modeled that behavior for many years.  At some point, though, I realized that behavior wasn’t working well for me, and I thought meditation might help me find a more peaceful way to be.  I was right, but it took some time and commitment to reach a point where I could center myself in the midst of an argument or difficult situation.  Just learning to feel peaceful when I was meditating wasn’t enough.

Meaningful Relationships Require Commitment

Perhaps the most complex situation where we make a commitment is in a relationship because it isn’t about just disciplining ourselves to do something we want to do.  There is another person whose well-being we must consider.  This is also true of friendships because to sustain a long term friendship, we need to practice empathy, integrity, and intimacy.  Parents also have to be committed to their children and help them develop as happy and whole individuals and not abandon them when they are most difficult.

In Loving Relationships We Can Grow and Expand

With a divorce rate at over 50% in this country, it appears commitment between adult partners is quite challenging.  I would venture to guess that all those relationships lack at least one of the elements I consider important.  They are all essential in creating a loving relationship that is healthy and meaningful, and a good relationship can be one of the best places to grow and expand who we are and our ability to love.  That takes time.  No matter how much we think we know someone, when we marry or move in together, the dynamic may change and require adjustments.  That is why being truly committed to make the relationship work is really important.  It takes time to grow together and deepen the love between two people.

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To Love Requires A Fearless Mind

It also takes more than love to create a successful relationship.  “‘I will always love you,’ means nothing unless the mind is fearlessly aligned with the heart.”  I love this quote because it points out that we have to make decisions that come from the heart and release the fears that arise and block our thinking.  When life becomes difficult, we can always find reasons to run away, but if we are committed and mature, we take responsibility for doing what we can to solve problems and move forward in a positive way. We find the courage of the warrior.

When we fear we will lose our freedom by being in a relationship, what we really fear is that we will lose our sense of self if we merge too much with another, and if we don’t love ourselves, we may fear we aren’t capable of being loved.  I was once with a man who loved me very much, but he seemed ashamed of his love because his concept of masculinity was that a man who needed a woman was weak.  In his need to be masculine, he made selfish choices and felt bad about them, but refused to change his behavior.

Good Relationships Grow With Time

But it is possible to be in a relationship where we become more of who we are with someone we love, for love opens and expands us.  I see the beauty of long term commitment in the relationships that some of my married friends have who have been together for 30 years.  They have not been diminished by commitment.  Their love has grown and expanded.  They have had the freedom to be who they are and follow their interests because they love each other for who they truly are.  They have all had to make adjustments and changes, but in the end, it has been worth it to have loving partners who are deeply committed to them to share the joys and sorrows of life.

You have To Know And Love Yourself First

But here’s what I think is the key.  If you know who you are and are confident, freedom isn’t such an issue because knowing who you are gives you great inner freedom and you won’t make choices that violate your integrity.  You have to first trust yourself before you can trust someone else.  Trusting and knowing yourself means you’ll make a better choice in choosing a partner and you won’t settle for less than what you need.  You’ll choose someone with whom you can grow and expand and have mutual respect.

I think Timothy Keller sums it up in this statement:  “To be loved, but not known is comforting but superficial.  To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.  But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, is a lot like being loved by God.  It is what we need more than anything.  It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”  And so it is.

What have been your experiences with commitment?  Please Comment.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                                      ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles:  Heart to Heart: The Importance of Freedom and Commitment in Intimate Relationships, Relationship Problems: Commitment, Do You Have a Fear of Commitment

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AWAKENING TO RELATIONSHIPS: INTEGRITY, Part 3

Posted on April 3, 2013 | 2 Comments

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.  Asking for what you want and need from others.  Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.  Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.  Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”   Barbara De Angelis

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Do you have integrity?  In all situations or just some?  On what beliefs do you base your integrity?  Do you act with integrity when you know it will create difficulties?

Integrity is the third element in what I call the essentials for a good relationship of any kind.  The elements I’ve already written about are empathy and intimacy, and I’ll conclude the series next week with the topic of commitment.

Integrity Strengthens Trust and Love

Integrity is usually defined as being true to your moral or ethical principles, so it has meaning only when it is coupled with a belief system.  In a relationship, acting with integrity can create trust and strengthen love because you learn you can depend on the other person to act in accordance with their values.  This, of course, assumes that you are in a relationship with someone whose values are compatible with yours.

Integrity Begins With Being True To Your Self

I like Barbara De Angelis’ quote because it covers several important aspects of integrity, mainly the idea that we must be true to ourselves if we are to be true to others.  That’s where it starts—being true to yourself.  Only then can you be true to others.  When we always try to please others to the extent that we go against our own values or harm ourselves, we are out of integrity.

What Is Integrity In A Relationship

Years ago, I was in a relationship with a man whom I deeply loved.  We were both creative people and that bound us in a spiritual way that was very powerful.  But over and over, to be with him, I made choices that were not good for me financially.  One time, I cashed out a life insurance policy so I had the money to spend an extended amount of time with him to see if we could live together.  At the time, I was unemployed, but a month before I was to leave to see him, I was offered a good job and I turned it down.  I put the relationship first.

Our relationship had always been off and on because he was afraid of commitment although he clearly loved me, and when things were good between us, they were very good.  But in this case, I had sacrificed my security by turning down a job to be with him and expected him to understand I would need to get work.  He kept insisting that I needed to create my own business and not work for any institution.  He was self-employed and had no respect for people who worked for institutions.

I had tried to be self-employed, but I didn’t have the financial resources he did, so I had to work for other people.  He had a fit over this.  While he was true to his values, he had no respect for my needs—a not unusual dilemma in relationships.  The situation disintegrated from there.  I asked for his understanding and didn’t get it.

At this point, I realized I was settling for a lot less than I deserved.  Clearly, his set of values and mine were not compatible.  I didn’t feel I should have to sacrifice my financial security to be with him, and he couldn’t afford to take care of me, nor did I want him to.  But I was not taking care of myself and I didn’t feel good about that.  However much I disliked the choices this man made in relation to me, he was being true to his own belief system, no matter how selfish I may have judged it.  It became clear that he would not change anything in order to be with me.  At that point, I finally had the sense to walk away.

Being True To Ourselves Empowers Us

What became very clear to me was that, by speaking my mind and not sacrificing what I needed in a relationship, I felt more empowered, although it created conflict.  I found the courage to be more of who I was and committed to living with more integrity in relationships.  I could not live with someone who felt he would be out of integrity in order to meet my needs.

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Integrity Is The Core For Decision-making

Living with integrity helps us to respect ourselves even when it creates difficulty, but without it, we lack an inner core from which to make decisions.  On the other hand, we also need to look at our value system.  Does it allow us to live with integrity and relate to others in a loving and caring way?  Most of us want to be in a relationship in order to share in a deep and loving way, and that may require some compromises.

Relationships Require Compromise

The question is always: what can you compromise and still be true to yourself?  Some couples want to keep the peace no matter what they have to do because they are afraid to explore what is hidden and unknown.  The problem with hiding ourselves is that we can never be loved for who we really are because our partner never knows who we are.  It may never dawn on us that our partner might love us more if they knew who we truly were.

The Value Of Shared Values

It’s not a choice I would make.  I want the person I’m in a relationship with, even in just a friendship, to know who I really am and show me who he really is.  I want the relationship to have integrity based on a shared set of values, and if the price we pay is to disagree sometimes, so be it.  Disagreements hopefully lead to a discussion that leads to a deeper understanding of each other and enriches the relationship.  Besides, making up can be a lot of fun.  It’s all good.

Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                                     ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles:  Selling Out: Compromising Integrity in Intimate Relationships,  Integrity in Relationships, Trust Your Inner Self – Wayne Dyer, A Lesson on Integrity from Gandhi

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AWAKENING TO RELATIONSHIPS: INTIMACY, PART 2

Posted on March 27, 2013 | 2 Comments

“Real intimacy is a sacred experience.  It never exposes its secret trust and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture.  Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved.”   John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

Bee seeks flower for intimate relationship

Bee seeks flower for intimate relationship (Photo credit: ZaraBaxter)

What does intimacy mean to you? Do you experience intimacy in all your relationships?  Is it important to you? 

Many Types of Intimacy

Like empathy, I feel that intimacy is an important part of relationships, and we can experience it with friends or lovers because it can be experienced physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.  Intimacy is an aspect of relationship that comes from one’s deepest nature.  It is personal and private and based on trust.

The Intimacy of Friendship

A couple months ago, I sat in a café on a cold, blustery day with a close friend who had been out of town for a couple of months.  As I sat sipping my coffee, I felt warm all over, not so much from the coffee as from the pleasure of being with this person to whom I can tell my deepest secrets without ever fearing she will share them inappropriately.  I trust her completely because she is truly a loving and empathetic person and treats relationships as sacred.

At home or Intimacy

At home or Intimacy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Challenges of Emotional Intimacy

It is also possible for a person to be intimate in one aspect, but not in another.  I once dated a man whose intellect was amazing.  Having a conversation with him was like making love with words, for the passion of our ideas and the way they intertwined was so exciting.  I could always say what I thought without fearing that he would criticize me.  Even if he disagreed, he did it with respect and admired my intellectual ability.

Unfortunately, our relationship didn’t last because I couldn’t trust him emotionally.  When there was emotional conflict, he often responded angrily and shut off all possibility of discussing the issue.  His ego was so fragile.  He would say hurtful things to assert his power. Although I loved him, being emotionally intimate with him was impossible, and without that, the physical intimacy was not satisfying.

Intimate Communication

As John O’Donohue says, “Real intimacy is of the soul.”  This suggests that in order to experience real intimacy, we must connect at the soul level, and that requires us to share what is deepest within us.  We must find the courage to share our feelings, to express our love, to show empathy when our friend or lover is in distress.  We have to learn to listen, and if we are to be trusted, we must demonstrate in the relationship that we will always make loving choices and respect each other.

But in any relationship, the way we communicate has a powerful impact on the intimacy level of the relationship.  I have had the pleasure of experiencing Imago Relationship Therapy which is based on the idea that we draw to us people who bring our deepest childhood wounds to the surface so that together we can heal those wounds.  Developed by Harville Hendricks, who has written many wonderful books on relationships, the process involves learning to communicate so that one can listen and respond with compassion.   Without this, a relationship has little chance of developing intimacy.

The Intimacy of Making Love

A physical relationship without an emotional connection is merely having sex.  While the touching and closeness provides us with pleasure, it involves only physical intimacy.  When we make love, we are relating in a deeper way, and intimacy, an aspect of love, is present.  It may take on another whole dimension of experience that enhances the emotional aspect of a relationship, for it is about giving pleasure to each other, not just pleasuring oneself.

The reason we are so drawn to a sexual experience is that it takes us beyond this earthly realm.  It is ironic to me that some religions see sex as unspiritual because an organism is an ecstatic experience that blots out ego and time.  After I balance my chakras, I integrate the work by drawing energy from the base of my spine, up the spine and over my head.  It feels virtually like an orgasm.  This loss of time and space is also typical of Tantric practices.

Ecstatic Spiritual Intimacy

There are many examples of religious ecstasy that reflect the same experience.  In Rumi’s poetry, he speaks of his relationship with God as a lover’s relationship.  In the writings of St. Teresa of Avila, the 16th century Christian mystic, her experiences of religious ecstasy seem to reflect this same lost of ego and time.

And so this aspect of intimacy and the spiritual intimacy we experience in meditation, take us to a deeper relationship with Spirit. The experience of Oneness transcends the earthly and connects us with all that is.  On earth, there is no greater and satisfying relationship than one that encompasses the emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual aspects of intimacy.  Challenging to create—oh, yes it is, but in the end it is worth it even if we only manage some aspects of the intimacy.  Even that is far superior to a relationship that lacks them all, for when no intimacy is present in a relationship, it can serve only a superficial purpose.

How important do you think intimacy is in a relationship?

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                                   ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles: Tantra:  Sexual and Religious Ecstasy, Harville Hendricks – Imago Couples Therapy, Rumi Love and Ecstasy Poems

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AWAKENING TO RELATIONSHIPS: EMPATHY, Part 1

Posted on March 20, 2013 | Leave a comment

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Theodore Roosevelt

Intimate relationship

Intimate relationship (Photo credit: Masashi Mochida)

How do you feel when you are able to empathize with one you love?  Does having someone empathize with you draw you closer?  How important is empathy in your life?  Is it a part of love?

It’s spring again and the days grow longer and the light becomes more intense.  On winter’s cold days, I enjoyed curling up under a blanket to read, writing in my journal, or watching a few televisions programs.  But with the Spring Equinox, something shifts, and although March can’t decide whether it’s winter or spring, a few flowers are beginning to blossom.

The light pulls at me and I want to be outside.  Something opens in me—my heart feels exposed and touched by the blossoms and the song of new birds returning to the area.  I want to be the light spreading through the forest.

Edith Wharton said, “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or to be the mirror that reflects it.”  One way I can spread light is through my words, and today the word that compels me to speak is empathy because I’ve decided to write a series of blogs on relationships and feel it is the most essential quality in a loving or caring relationship.

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Empathy In Healthy Relationships

We have many kinds of relationships with friends, family, lovers, or co-workers, and the quality of those relationships involves several aspects: empathy, intimacy, integrity, and commitment.  In healthy relationships, all these aspects function in a positive way.  They create a meaningful connection, but the lack of empathy always creates separation.  When a therapist friend of mine stated that the main reason for divorce in this country is lack of empathy, I wasn’t surprised.

Empathy is the deep emotional understanding of another’s feelings or problems.  We may feel what the other person is feeling because we’ve had a similar experience or we may be emotionally sensitive enough that we can imagine how they feel.  It is a deeper understanding than sympathy which is merely an intellectual understanding of what the other person feels.

Parents Must Teach Children Empathy

In any kind of relationship, empathy makes it possible for two people to bond in a caring way.  Empathy comes from a loving and spiritual place within us, and it is a skill we hopefully learn as children from our parents’ behavior.  Parents must teach children to identify what they feel and encourage them to talk about what bothers them and makes them happy or angry.  Otherwise, they may withdraw or develop dysfunctional ways, such as bullying, to express their frustration.

I have had the experience of talking with an adult, expressing my anger about a situation, and had them pull away.  One friend even asked me why I was angry at her when I was talking about a situation that had nothing to do with her and where she wasn’t even present.  I came to understand that when people, like my friend, have been reared to believe it isn’t acceptable to feel negative emotion or to express it, they withdraw when those feelings are expressed by others.  They may have the ability to empathize only when acceptable emotions are expressed.

Lack Of Empathy May Damage Relationships

This withdrawal can be damaging to a love relationship.  I had a similar experience with a man who was unable to see how some of his behaviors were hurtful to me and this caused on-going conflict.  He had learned in childhood that the way to be safe when there was conflict was not to express feelings and to physically withdraw.  This behavior may have protected him as a child, but as an adult, his inability to empathize with my feelings prevented us from having a deeper emotional connection.

Empathy Is Essential To Community

I am fortunate to live in a beautiful mountain community where spiritual awareness is at a high level.  Still, I meet people who are so stuck on being right that their narrow-mindedness separates them from the group or community. They don’t see how disrespectful they are.  The problem isn’t that their thoughts or beliefs are too different from the groups’ ideas, but that they have to prove theirs is the only right idea. They create separation rather than connection. They clearly lack empathy.

Adults Can Learn To Be Empathetic

Expressing empathy says, “I care,” and we all want to know someone cares.  It is deeply hurtful when those we love are not empathetic.  Even when we reach adulthood without this vital skill, it is still possible to learn how to empathize through therapy or just retraining ourselves, not only to listen to others, but to listen to ourselves.  We can go inside and learn to identify what we are really feeling and set our intention to become more aware.  Peter Gerlach says that emotions point to a need that needs filling.  If we don’t know what we’re feeling, we can’t fill our own needs, much less someone else’s.

I think Roosevelt was right, “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”  Take the time to listen and be empathetic.  This is one of the deepest and most loving ways we may connect with other people, letting them know we understand their pain and frustration.  When we can risk sharing more intimate thoughts and feelings, we may come to know and love each other in profound ways.  Expressing empathy in a relationship may transform it.  We are all One after all.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                           ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles:  Empathy in Leadership: Ten Reasons Why It Matters, Living in Patience with Your Emotional Pain Body – Eckhart Tolle, 5 Barriers to Empathy in Marriage (and How to Overcome Them)

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AWAKENING TO GOOD HEALTH

Posted on February 20, 2013 | Leave a comment

“To enjoy true health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind.  If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will come to him.”  Buddha

English: Holistic health, body, mind, heart, soul

I wanted to write today about the connection between body and mind and good health, but when I read back over a previous post, “Body and Soul As One,” I decided to repost it because, at the moment, I feel it says everything I want to say.  When we love ourselves, we take care of all parts of ourselves:  body, mind and soul.  And when we are ill, we need to take care of the mind, body, and soul.  Even science is now proving this connection exists.

The Body As Container For The Soul

One of the problems I’ve often had with traditional religion is the way it describes the body as a lesser part of our being.  The body is, after all, the container for our soul.  If we didn’t need it in some cosmic sense, we wouldn’t have it.  At this stage in our spiritual journey, we are experiencing a physical life because we need to learn lessons we can only learn by being in a physical body.

If we embrace the idea of wholeness or oneness, then we have to acknowledge that all parts of ourselves are sacred.  Living in a body offers us infinite opportunities to learn.  As a child, I had many illnesses including one that left me with a heart murmur which I out grew by the time I was twelve.  I missed those early carefree years of life that others remember with joy.  What I remember is lying in bed alone reading and designing paper doll dresses, feeling weak and shy and inadequate when we played softball at school and never learning to ride a bicycle.  I remember having a friend or two but never feeling part of a group because so many group activities were too strenuous.

 Awakening The Body And Soul

As a result of this childhood experience, I developed two interests: good health and creativity which I later developed through dance and writing.  Staying healthy became a priority in my life.  As a young adult I began to search for the answers that would allow me to become stronger and stay in good health.  My love of dance was not just about expressing myself creatively.  It was about building muscles on my skinny frame to become strong.  It was also about the mind/body connection.  Having rejected traditional religion by this time, I found that dancing brought me joy and touched my spirit.  At times, dancing was transcendent, my body seemed to fall away and I was all spirit.

Each physical challenge has been a teacher.  Around 1976, I studied with an amazing dancer, Erick Hawkins during a summer dance program at American University.  Having studied Eastern philosophy and anatomy and kinesiology, he had created a modern dance technique that trained the body gently, working with the pelvis as the center of the body, and teaching us to respect our own bodies.

Hawkins in El Penitente, 1930s

Hawkins in El Penitente, 1930s (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But that summer, I was in distress, and despite Hawkins’ peaceful way, I made a decision I would regret.  I injured one foot simply walking across campus, adding more pain to the tendinitis slowly healing in the other foot.  I was in a dance company and had a performance coming up.  We were short on dancers; I couldn’t disappoint the director.  So, I demanded that my doctor give me cortisone shots which he did, going against his own better judgment.

When I danced, my feet were numb; I couldn’t feel the floor, but somehow I got through the performance.  Afterwards, as I rested and healed over several weeks, I realized I had committed a terrible act of aggression against myself.  I’d somehow crossed a line I’d never crossed before and was willing to abuse myself in order not to disappoint others. This was clearly a signal that something was very wrong with my thinking.  I realized at that moment that I couldn’t stop thinking about the reverence with which Hawkins treated the body even in training.  As I thought about Hawkins and the reverence he had taught us to have for our own bodies, I realized he had been my spiritual teacher that summer.

 Loving Ourselves With Good Health

This experience made me realize that I needed to learn to love myself.  I had created unnecessary suffering and my soul ached. Dance taught me about one aspect of taking care of my body, but other experiences taught me about a healthy diet.  When I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I found a doctor of integrated medicine who taught me how to use food and supplements to heal. What I learned from him has continued to serve me well over the years to support my immune system, keep my blood sugar level, and sustain a level of energy that creates a feeling of well-being.

It is difficult to enjoy life when we don’t feel well, and while it is important to take care of our minds and soul, taking care of the body is sacred work too.  To deny the body’s needs is just as detrimental to our well-being as ignoring our spiritual or emotional needs.  Although I am middle aged, I’m actually healthier than I’ve ever been, and I believe that is because, in addition to taking care of my spiritual life, I have cared for my body, this precious container for my precious soul.

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 Do you want life to be a dance or a drag?

We have a choice and it’s an important one.  Caring for our bodies makes it possible to do things that feed the soul like walking in the forest, dancing until dawn or jogging through the early morning air with your daughter.  What are you willing to do to make your body and soul one?

© 2011 Georganne Spruce

Related Articles:  Erick Hawkins, Dancing to Our Imperfections, The Mind Body Connection –  Health is a State of Mind, Mind Body Connection: How Your Emotions Affect Your Health

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AWAKENING TO ALL THE LOVE

Posted on February 13, 2013 | 2 Comments

“Love is a state of Being.  Your love is not outside; it is deep within you.  You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”  Eckhart Tolle

Malaprop's Book Signing

Malaprop’s Book Signing

When I think of love, I have to remind myself that it comes in many forms.  There’s the romantic version with roses and champagne, kisses and hugs.  There’s the long-lasting, deeper love that allows one to accept and solve the real problems that always arise in life and stay together over time.  There’s the love of friendship and community, of being there for each other for fun and support.  There’s the spiritual love that puts us in touch with something greater than ourselves, greater than anything we can find on the physical plane.  There’s love of mankind that motivates us to become involved with helping those who have less than we do.  There’s also the self-love that allows us to accept ourselves, be the best we can be, and see our mistakes as learning opportunities, not has a reason to condemn ourselves.

A Different Valentine’s Day

Last Friday, I read from my memoir Awakening to the Dance: A Journey to Wholeness at Malaprop’s Bookstore in Asheville.  It felt like Valentine’s Day, for the room was full of friends, acquaintances and strangers.  Some were there just to support my writing efforts; some were there because they were curious about the story; others were there just because we love each other.  Robin, who introduced me, made me sound like a celebrity.  The audience was wonderfully responsive and asked great questions.  It was fun to use my dramatic skills to interpret literature publicly – especially since it was my own creation, and I could see immediately the audience’s response to what I had written.

Malaprop's Signing 002

Surrounded by Loving Friends

Among my friends were several who have seen me through all kinds of challenges, especially the most difficult one, two years ago, when a love relationship ended.  The pain overwhelmed me, but the constant flow of warm hugs and kind words helped me remember who I really was—a loving and loved woman.  How they put up with my tears and lengthy sad stories I don’t know—actually I do know—they are incredibly loving people.  Even if they thought my book was horrible, which they don’t, they would have come to this event because they know how much it took for me to complete it and put it out into the world.  And they know that I hope that what I’ve learned will help someone else create a happier life.

Real Love Connects With Spirit

When I read Eckhart Tolle’s quote on love, I started searching for some articles and videos to share.  In some of these writings, he points out that our love is often ego-based, but it is real love only when the transcendent becomes a part of it.  He says, “Love becomes a source of suffering when the transcendental is missing.”  Hmm.…So I’ve gathered some articles and videos by him because I think his work is so important for us to understand.

English: Head-shot of Eckhart Tolle from direc...

I’ve also written a lot about love this year and if you missed any of these posts, I’ve listed them for you.  So, instead of doing a new post, I want to ask you to do this:  look over the links below, trust your intuition, and when you feel drawn to one, look at it.  It may be just what you need to hear today.

Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Remember we are all lovers.  We don’t need anyone to complete us although it is always nice to share our love.  Let the love within you fill your day.  You are Love!

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                                 ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

 RELATED ARTICLES on Eckhart Tolle:  Relationships: True Love and the Transcendence of Duality, Eckhart Tolle – One-Sided Love Relationship – Video, Real Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer, Eckhart on Personal Love

RELATED BLOG POSTS: Awakening to Love Ourselves, Receiving Love, Awakening to Love the World, Part I, Awakening to Love the World, Part II, Diversity, Awakening to Love the World, Part III, Cooperation, Awakening to the Healing Dance: Feel the Love

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AWAKENING TO OUR RESPONSIBILITY

Posted on February 6, 2013 | 2 Comments

“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.”  Miquel Ruiz

Cover of "The Four Agreements: A Practica...

Are you a responsible person?  How do you define responsibility?  Do you communicate compassionately and take responsibility for what you express?

Responsibility Comes From Within

The theme of responsibility seems to be surfacing in my life this week.  We often think of responsibility in terms of the exterior life: supporting ourselves financially, not telling lies, or doing what we say we will do.  That’s all very important because what we do externally is a sign of who we are at a deeper level.

I attend a couple of discussion groups and the topic for the one I attended recently was the second of Don Miquel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.  This book is a wonderful guide to living our lives and I highly recommend it.  The second agreement is “Don’t take anything personally.”  Needless to say, this aroused a lively discussion.

The Emotional Source of Our Conflicts

It also reminded me of so many experiences in my life when, at the time an event was occurring, I could not see how I was part of creating a conflict.  For example, a friend and I, who are members of group, had a very unpleasant disagreement over whether a particular meeting with a guest speaker would take place at his house or mine.  The event had been scheduled weeks in advance for my house.

Then my friend informed me that he was changing the location to his house because he had invited the speaker and felt his place would work better.  I was upset because I love having this group in my home and I knew it would be months before I could host the meeting again.  I explained this to him, but he remained firm in his decision and I felt he was saying my house was inadequate for this event.  I’ve hosted many of these events and I was rather offended by his attitude.  Finally he said, “This isn’t personal.”

Communication

Communication (Photo credit: P Shanks)

When It Really Isn’t Personal

Well, it sure felt personal to me!  I was looking forward to that warm, fuzzy feeling I get when people I like are in my house, and I didn’t want to put off this opportunity until spring when I would have time to host again.  On the other hand, my friend is a very conscientious person who also likes to have things set up a certain way.  He was the one who invited the guest speaker and he wanted to be able to control the environment in which she did her demonstration and talk.  So, his decision really wasn’t about me.  It was about his needs.

He and I are good friends and we talked about our feelings later and found peace about the issue.  It was a learning experience for us both.  But these situations often arise in life, and I’ve come to realize that when someone does something that hurts me, it’s an opportunity for me to look at why I’m upset.  Is this person being unkind or am I reading something into their words or actions because they have touched on my deep wounds?  Either way, I have a choice about my response.

Acting Out Of Love Is Acting Impeccably

By nature, we are all spiritual beings and capable of being loving.  However, if we have been abused or unloved, we may not know how to be loving.  Because I know this, when someone is mean or unkind to me, I know that it is about them, and I have a choice.  I can walk away or I can try to discuss what has caused this response to understand if I have been insensitive in some way.  Of course, my response will be different depending on whether this negative response is a one-time thing or on-going attitude.

Communicate With Compassion

If we accept Ruiz’s statement to not take anything personally as a guide for our behavior, we can most effectively use it to monitor our own communication with others.  His first agreement is to speak and act impeccably, to be concerned about the effects of our words and actions on others.  These first two agreements work well together.  I think he is telling us to be responsible, think before we act, and care about the consequences of our actions, but to be aware that other’s actions are more about their feelings and ideas than ours.   When we do this, I think we usually make better choices because we become aware of the whole communication circle. We can show them compassion, but we don’t have to become entangled with the drama.

This week I also attended a group that is practicing compassionate communication.  We did an exercise where we listened to one person’s story and tried to hear the facts, feelings, needs, and values expressed in it, then we reflected back to the person what we heard.  It seems to me that this practice fits beautifully with what Ruiz is suggesting.  If we learn to listen and speak with compassion, we are acting impeccably and we are also honoring the third agreement—don’t make assumptions.  We listen to what the other person is truly saying, and we try to become more conscious of how our own inner story may distort our perception of another’s story.

What Do You Put Into the Energy Around You?

Regardless of our spiritual beliefs, we are responsible for what we put out into the world, and if we accept the Law of Attraction as part of our belief systems, as I do, we know the energy of our words and actions affects the energy of those around us.  How we approach a touchy subject with another can make a huge difference.  If we connect with empathy and love, we can often create an understanding out of chaos.  When we learn not to take everything personally, it doesn’t mean we don’t care.

How do you handle difficult communication?  How does your attitude make a difference?    Please Comment.

© 2013 Georganne Spruce                                                               ZQT4PQ5ZN7F5

Related Articles:  Responsible Communication,  Living the Four Agreements: A Life changing Journey,  Law of Attraction, Receiving Love

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WE ARE ALL ONE

Posted on December 26, 2012 | Leave a comment

Daisy's first days 032

May your holiday be filled with peace, love, and joy!

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